


The Devil In You I Suppose

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Series: 31 Days Of Tricks [5]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Band, Anger, Angst, Arguing, Brother/Sister Incest, Cheating, Dirty Thoughts, Emotional Hurt, Estrangement, Explicit Language, F/M, Fade to Black, Flashbacks, Heartbreak, Incest, Infidelity, Kinktober, Kinktober 2017, Kissing, Light Petting, New York City, Past Relationship(s), Sibling Incest, Unreliable Narrator, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 07:51:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12272100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: Avery's life hasn't been the same since the person she considers her true love, left her. Can a trip to New York change everything for her?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Blowjob
> 
> Some plot lines were intentionally left open as I may revisit this verse again in the future.

Avery crossed her arms as she looked over at Jessica who was sitting on the couch and judging her. Avery knew because she could feel her sister's gaze on her worsen as she got her stuff together.

Got ready to head over to the McCall house to babysit their two children for the night. Five year old Dean and two year old Cynthia.

Both children she had been watching for two years now. Not long after Cynthia's birth and at times they also felt like her own children even though they weren't her own children.

"I can feel you judging me," Avery finally spoke as she narrowed her eyes and looked at her sister. "Mind telling me why?"

Jessica shrugged her shoulders, "Because I'm just wondering when to expect you home," she stated. "Does Harrison plan to somehow steal time away with you after taking his wife out on a date?" she asked, and of course with that question Avery heard the judgement in her sister's voice.

The same judgement that she had been looking at her with she was now using to talk to her with too.

Avery blushing some because of course her sister didn't approve of her affair with Harrison McCall. An affair that had started approximately seven months after Avery had begun to babysit his children and one his wife Leighanne was blind to.

Mainly because Leighanne was too wrapped up in her job and her kids. Which was another reason why Avery had begun her affair with him.

Because she gave him the love and affection his wife didn't, or so he said anyway. Avery knowing he could just be lying, after all he and Leighanne did have a date night once a month and if she was supposedly ignoring him she wasn't sure if they'd have that.

"We don't have any plans to hook up tonight," Avery told her sister watching as Jessica's look of judgement lessened slightly "But I really wish you'd stop judging me for what I do with Harrison. I'm twenty-four almost twenty-five and I can handle things."

Jessica let out a tiny laugh at that, "Oh Ave," she muttered as she shook her head. "You haven't handled things since Brady left you," she sighed bringing up Avery's first love.

He hadn't been her first boyfriend but Brady Anderson had been the first man Avery loved. Avery having met him the summer she had turned nineteen.

Brady had been working at his brother's bar across from the restaurant Taylor owned and Avery had been working a part time job with Taylor that summer to pay for her college that semester and she had met Brady on one of her many trips to the bar after her shift.

She hadn't been able to drink alcohol at the time at least not out in public but they had some good hot wings that Taylor had gotten her hooked on, which was the main reason why she had kept going to the bar. That and it gave her an excuse to keep seeing the newcomer in their very small town.

Taylor's wife Adeline eventually stepping in and helping things along by making it to where Avery and Brady had to talk to each other as more than just customer and server and the rest had been almost history.

They had somehow swapped numbers by the end of that night and by the end of the month they had become lovers. Despite the twenty-one year age gap.

Something that most in her family hadn't approved of or, well just mainly her mom. No one else had seemed to care, at least no one had said anything during their almost two year relationship.

A relationship that had ended when Brady left the small Oklahoma town to head off to New York after getting a job offer in the field he really wanted.

Being one of the main photographers for some fashion magazine. Photography having been more of Brady's passion than bartending and there really had been nothing in Oklahoma keeping him here minus Avery. His brother Owen had died in a motorcycle accident the year before he left and his brother had been the main reason he had even came to Oklahoma.

But with him gone he had seen no reason to stay, not even whatever feelings he had for Avery during their time together.

"I've been fine since Brady left," Avery snapped as she came out of her thoughts. "It's been years and I've been fine and I know you probably think him being gone is one reason I started having an affair with Harrison but you're wrong. I'm attracted to Harrison and I love him and that's one of the many reasons I'm with him."

Jessica once again laughed, her laugh sounding like she wasn't convinced by a word that Avery had said to her. "You keep lying to yourself but I do think it's partly the reason why you have lost all sense of judgement. The Avery I know, the one I grew up with, wouldn't have willingly let herself be conned by a married man. She wouldn't be intentionally ruining a marriage."

"Maybe the Avery you grew up with wasn't real then Jessie," Avery retorted with a shake of her head as she finally got all of her stuff and walked to the door. "Because I don't see anything wrong with having sex with a man whose wife doesn't treasure him or love him like I do," she added on her words feeling like acid in her mouth.

Knowing damn well she wasn't exactly sure how Leighanne treated Harrison since she wasn't there all the time. Only had Harrison's words to go on.

After saying that Avery opened the door of the house she shared with Jessica. Stepping outside and heading to her car, effectively ending the conversation she was having with her sister before it could become a full blown argument.

If she stayed it would have, and it was always hell to argue with the person she lived with. Had learned that the very first week she had moved in with Jessica last year and all they did was bicker and argue about petty things like hot water for showers and who drank all the coffee.

***

Biting on her lip, Avery smiled to herself as she stood outside leaned against her car which was now parked at some park not far from the McCall residence.

Harrison pressed up against her as her hand found it's way under his shirt. Their foreheads leaning against each other.

"How much time do you have away from Leighanne?" she questioned him having been surprised that somehow after they had arrived back from their date night he had found a way to get out of the house.

Harrison having texted Avery to ask her if she could meet him at a park not far from his house. That he just had to see her and kiss her. Avery knowing they were acting like reckless teenagers instead of the adults they were.

Avery being twenty-four and Harrison being thirty-two but sometimes love or lust one did this to people. Made them risk stuff just for the chance to have one moment together. A moment they hadn't had in over two weeks as up until just a few days ago Harrison had been out of town for work.

"Just enough to kiss you a few times," Harrison muttered out before letting his lips brush across hers in a gentle kiss. His hand slowly sliding down to the hem of the dress she had on. "Maybe touch you briefly," he whispered into her mouth.

A moan coming out of Avery's when his hand finally reached between her legs. Rubbing her through the underwear she had on.

"Don't tease me," Avery told him as she bit down on his lip playfully, her hand traveling higher under his shirt. "Especially since you can't get me off tonight. My hand just isn't a good substitute for your cock."

"Nothing is a good substitute for my cock," Harrison told her as he let his lips trail from her own, finding their way down to her neck where he kissed and nipped at the skin softly. "Which, speaking of my cock, I wanted to ask you something," he spoke letting his breath hit her skin.

Avery shivering as it did so.

"Ask me what?" she questioned him softly as another moan came out of her mouth when his hand slowly slipped inside of her panties. Two of his fingers rubbing slow circles on her pussy lips and her eyes fluttered shut.

Avery wanting to be angry that he was teasing her when he wouldn't be able to get her to completion but also too turned on right now to tell him to stop or call him out on what he was doing. Having missed his touch.

"Leighanne's going to be out of town all week in New York. Some work related thing and I was thinking you could come and stay with me and the kids all week," Harrison spoke as he lifted his head to look at her. His hand staying inside of her panties as he continued to rub her.

Biting her lip more, Avery looked at him as if he had lost his mind. Something he must have been able to tell because he laughed softly.

"I already asked Leighanne, pretended to be stupid and like I needed help with the kids all weekend. She agreed because after all we have the guest bedroom and the kids adore you," Harrison continued in her silence as he finally let one of his fingers slip inside of her wet pussy.

Avery getting the feeling now that he was doing all this to work her. Get her to agree to what he wanted from her.

"But I wouldn't be sleeping in the guest bedroom if I stayed would I?" she asked him as she removed her hands from under his shirt. Reaching down and slowly pulling his hand out from her panties and between her legs. "No, I'd be sleeping in your bedroom with you and we wouldn't be doing much actual sleeping would we?" she continued her questions bringing the finger he had let slip inside of her up to her mouth.

Where she slowly let her lips wrap around it and suck him. Wishing it were his cock and that she could drop to her knees right now and give him a blow job.

Harrison shook his head as a low moan came out of his mouth. His hips moving into Avery's and she could feel he was hard, something he deserved after what he had done to her.

Got her all hot and bothered, knowing full well he couldn't get her off.

Taking her mouth off his finger Avery only sighed as she gave him a tiny frown. "I can't," she told him honestly. "I mean I would if I could, but I won't be in town either. Seems your wife and I are going to be in the same city next week. I'm going to visit my brother and his fiancee and meet some guy she thinks I might like too," she spoke teasing Harrison.

Because despite being married he always seemed to get jealous when thinking of her fucking other men.

"Some guy, huh?" Harrison asked as he leaned his forehead against hers again. "Bet he won't be able to fuck you like I can."

Laughing Avery rolled her eyes. "No one said anything about fucking," she told him honestly. "Marilyn just thinks I may like this guy that she met at her job and Zac agrees with his fiancee's assessment," she shrugged.

Her mind going to Zac, a brother she hadn't seen since she was sixteen. He had moved away to New York after graduating college and never came back home.

Avery half feeling like New York kept stealing everyone she truly loved because out of all of her siblings she loved Zac the most. Had always been her and him against the world until he left her to follow his dreams just like Brady would do a few years later.

"Yeah well you won't because he won't compare to me," Harrison told her as he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips.

Avery frowning when he moved away from her. Hating that he had to go home to his wife now but of course he did because that was his wife. The woman he had pledged to spend forever with.

Heaving a sigh, she moved away from her car and walked the short distance to the driver's side door. Already making plans to text Harrison tomorrow. Find a way to sneak away somewhere to a hotel or something before she left.

Just so she'd have something to compare the mystery guy to that Marilyn and Zac wanted her to meet. A guy Avery doubted she'd even fuck.

Probably wouldn't even like him in the end.


	2. Chapter 2

_Avery frowned as she sat on the mattress in Zac's room watching as he packed up what remained of his stuff that was in the room. Tonight being his last full night in the apartment he had bought when he was eighteen._

_Tonight being his last full night in Oklahoma as well, as he was heading off to New York. Heading off to the city that never slept to find a way and live his dream. A dream that consisted of owning an art gallery._

_Something Avery always figured he'd do here in there small Oklahoma town, but no, he had decided New York would be easier. Better opportunities that way even if it meant leaving her behind._

_"Don't look like your best friend just died there Avie baby," Zac spoke and his words brought Avery out of her thoughts as she turned her head to look at him._

_Being surprised that he was now sitting beside her on the mattress because she had been so zoned out that she hadn't even realized he had walked over and sat down beside her._

_"It kind of feels like it," Avery told him honestly as she shrugged her shoulders. "You're leaving me and I've never been without you," she sighed as she shook her head. "My whole life you've always been there and now you're leaving me for New York."_

_Zac laughed softly as as he reached over pulling Avery closer to him and Avery let him. Soon finding her way into his lap as she straddled him. Her arms going around his neck as his went around her waist._

_"You can always come and visit me in the summer," Zac suggested finally as he moved his head to look up at her. "But if that doesn't happen then you could always just come to me when you're eighteen. Live with me and we can take New York together. Like we've taken on everything else in our life."_

_Avery felt a bit hopeful at the latter part of his suggestion. Knowing the first part would never work because their mom was too strict. Would never let her go to New York during the summer even if it was to visit Zac._

_Would be too afraid her teenage daughter would be corrupted._

_If only she knew her daughter's corruption had already started. Began just a few short months ago on New Year's Eve._

_"Take New York together, huh?" Avery asked him as she leaned her forehead against his._

_"Yeah because it's you and me against the world Avery," Zac whispered softly before leaning in and letting his lips brush across hers._

_Avery feeling her eyes fall shut as she returned his kiss. A kiss both knew they shouldn't share, at least not like this, but they had been doing this since New Year's._

_Had gave in to what felt so natural to them. Loving each other in a deeper way than siblings probably should have._

_"You and me against the world," Avery repeated into his mouth. Her eyes shutting tighter as Zac slowly moved them so that her back was against the mattress._

_His hand sliding up and under the shirt she had on as hers went down to his jeans to undo them. Both of them knowing tonight would be the last time they could be together like this for awhile._

_Avery half wanting to savor this night with Zac and eventually also savor what his cock felt like inside of her. Commit it to memory as best as she could. Until she got to have it again._

***

"Is everything packed?" Jessica asked as she came and sat down on the edge of Avery's bed. Avery a bit thankful that she had her sister there to help her pack her stuff for her trip tomorrow.

"I think so, yeah," Avery nodded her head with a grateful smile. "Everything is all packed and I'll be ready to catch my flight to New York tomorrow," she smiled as she sat down beside Jessica.

Feeling nervous now as she thought of her trip to New York to see a brother she hadn't seen since the day he left for the very city she was visiting. A brother she had a falling out with for several years now, and one who had contacted her via mail out of the blue four months ago.

Saying his fiancee Marilyn had been on him to make amends with her. That way he could see the rest of his family too, because their fractured relationship was enough to have ruined him seeing the rest of his family.

It was probably the true reason that Zac hadn't ever even came home since moving.

Though Avery wondered if Marilyn knew the true extent of why Zac and Avery had a fractured relationship. She doubted so because surely if she knew Marilyn wouldn't have made Zac put a Ps in his last letter on how she had a guy who Avery might like.

Avery not even sure though how Marilyn knew her type. Hadn't really mentioned Brady or, of course, Harrison in her letters to Zac and his fiancee. Had only told them the minimal details of her life and what things she liked now which had to be what Marilyn was basing her thinking on.

Which meant she probably had gotten Avery's type all wrong.

"You nervous?" Jessica asked bringing Avery out of her thoughts, Avery blushing slightly as she nodded her head yes.

"A bit. I mean I've never even left this state before."

Jessica smiled as she reached over for Avery's hand, "You'll be fine. Though I meant more are you nervous on seeing Zac again face to face? I'm not even sure why you two stopped talking but I'm not dumb I know it's the reason he never came to visit."

Blushing more, Avery looked down at her and Jessica's hands. Hating that it seemed everyone knew her falling out with Zac was why he hadn't came home.

Of course no one could know everything that had lead to their fall out. No one would understand what had happened between them. Would hate both of them if they knew the truth.

"Yeah I'm nervous on that too," Avery admitted knowing she was also nervous on that too.

Wondering or maybe knowing things would probably still be awkward between her and Zac. After all they had crossed so many boundaries of a normal brother and sister relationship months before he left.

How could they truly go back to normal even if he wanted to make amends? He was the one who broke them in the end anyway.

***

_Fighting back tears Avery sat on her bed as she reread the letter Zac had sent her from New York. His first communication to her since moving there just two short months ago._

_Avery almost wishing as she read the letter over and over again that he hadn't left Oklahoma or her. She should’ve known once he did what they had started in the months prior to him leaving would end._

_Because as he so nicely put it in his letter to her it was a sin as well as a crime. Wasn't healthy and they needed to stop._

_Apparently her brother who had grown up an atheist in the bible belt had found God in New York City. Avery not sure how or even why Zac had changed so suddenly after being gone. Not sure what in New York or who in New York had convinced him God was real when his mother had been trying her whole life to do just that._

_She'd be happy about this newest development Avery knew, but this newest development hurt her. Avery realizing then how pathetic she had been. How she had truly thought she and her brother could have taken on the world together. How when she had turned eighteen she could move out there and live with him and they could find a way to be as real of a couple as possible._

_No one there knowing their true connection but of course that had just been the hopes and dreams of a stupid sixteen year old girl who had foolishly let herself fall for her brother._

_The brother she had been closest to all her life and as shameful as it was he had been her first. Her first lover, her first kiss, maybe even her first love._

_Though she'd do everything in her power to forget that bit. Make herself forget that part of her life since he had also hurt her more than anyone else had._

_Zac's choosing to end whatever they had feeling like it had literally ripped her heart out and allowed him to walk all over it in the process._

_Avery being upset enough to crumble up his note as she stood from her bed. Going to her desk where her sketchpad was and instead of drawing she wrote a letter of her own._

_A letter in which she accused Zac of taking advantage of her. Of using his role as her big brother to seduce her and get what he wanted which was sex. To take that from her and to keep taking up until the day he left._

_Told him because of that she had no brother and he was dead to her. That she never wanted to see him again and that she had half a mind to report him to the police. Something that of course she knew she'd never do. Deep down not even sure if she believed he had truly taken advantage of her._

_She had let him sleep with her so willingly. She hadn't stopped it when they kissed on New Year's Eve in her bedroom during their family's party. Their kissing leading to him with his fingers inside of her._

_Nor had she stopped him a week later when they had kissed again and she had finally given herself to him fully. Let him take her virginity in his bedroom at his apartment._

_But Avery was angry so she let her anger do the writing for her. Knowing one day she'd probably regret what she wrote but today wasn't that day._

***

"Are you okay?" Jessica whispered as she sat next to Avery in the airport. More than likely having known or saw that Avery couldn't take her eyes off the people a few rows over from where they were sitting.

The world, or karma, hating her as she stared and watched Harrison and Leighanne sitting side by side, obviously oblivious to Avery watching them like a creep.

Her heart hurting because of how in love they looked and how it really seemed like Leighanne was more attentive than Harrison said she was.

A fact that made Avery feel sick and hate herself. But also made her glad that she hadn't seen Harrison since the park as well as a little hopeful that maybe whoever Marilyn was going to set her up with that she'd hit it off with them.

If she did she'd surely call off her affair with Harrison, may do so anyway because seeing him with his wife, seeing how truly in love Leighanne looked, made Avery wish she had never started this affair but she had. She had started it and she had been foolish to believe Harrison and his lies but maybe Jessica had been right to blame Brady and him leaving her for Avery giving in.

She had just been desperate for love. Desperate for what she’d had with Brady and she had hoped Harrison could give that to her even if he was married.

Avery turned to face Jessica as she pasted on a smile. "I'm fine," she reassured her sister hoping that Jessica bought the lie she was selling. "I promise I'm fine."

***

_"How dare you do this to me!" Avery yelled as she stood almost face to face with Brady who had just finished packing his stuff up. "Leaving me to go to New York like I meant nothing to you."_

_Brady glared as he locked eyes with Avery and she could tell it was taking everything he had for him truly not to lose it on her. Not that she could blame him because she had been doing this all day, arguing with him and just trying to get him to stay._

_Wanted to have proof that she mattered to the first man she loved with all her heart....or, well, she kept telling herself he was the first man. Always would because she had to forget the first one, was doing her best to pretend he didn't exist at all._

_"How dare I do this to you?" Brady questioned and despite his glare he never once yelled like Avery did. "I'm not doing anything but moving to New York, Avery," he told her as he shook his head. "Don't act like I didn't offer the chance for you to come with me. That I didn't ask you to marry me just last night but you fucking refused me. Told me no and that you never wanted to set foot in New York, yet I don't know why. So in the end you're only doing this to yourself babe."_

_Looking away from Brady, Avery fell silent, knowing he had a point in what he said. He had asked her to marry him and she had turned him down. Not even sure why or, well, she was, she just didn't want to admit that the moment he had asked the question her mind had brought up images of Zac._

_Just like Zac was the same reason why she didn't want to go to New York either. Didn't want to chance running into him even if she knew the city was big. Way too big and she'd never run into him more than likely. But her brain told her there was that possibility still._

_"That's what I thought," Brady told her in her silence. "You know this is on you and you can't even admit that," he laughed before turning away from her. "Have fun convincing yourself this is all my fault when you are just as to blame as me."_

_Staying silent Avery fell down on Brady's bed. Blinking back tears that wanted to come out because somehow with his words she felt like that sixteen year old girl again._

_The girl who had lost the first boy she had loved. A boy who had even been forbidden for her to love. A boy who was the reason she was denying herself a true chance at this new love and she swore she hated Zac even more than what she did._

_She hated him and she hated the God that he had found in New York. Hated whoever had made him find God._

_But most of all she hated herself. Hated herself for falling in love with Zac, hated herself for not doing the things it took to be happy with Brady and letting him go. Hated that she was weak and would always be stuck in this past hurt, just wanted a way out._

_Knew the way out was probably Zac but she was too stubborn to do anything about that and mend fences or try to anyway._


	3. Chapter 3

Chewing on her lip as she walked through the airport in New York after getting her bags, Avery nervously looked around the place for her brother and his fiancee. Having been told that they'd both be here to pick her up and so far she hadn't seen either of them.

Avery half afraid that somehow in the end maybe she had been tricked. Maybe Zac hadn't wanted to make amends or see her again. Maybe he just wanted to make her look like a fool again, see her hurt like she had been hurt by him at sixteen.

But the moment that thought crossed her mind she shook her head and walked a bit farther. Finally spotting a familiar figure in the crowd of people. Though he looked a bit aged and Avery guessed that happened when one was almost thirty.

Smiling when he finally noticed her Avery walked closer to him, feeling butterflies in her stomach. Butterflies that got worse when she reached him. Not even having time to say anything before he pulled her into a hug.

Avery returning the hug as she also did her best to hold onto her bags. Her eyes falling shut as she let herself get lost in the feeling of being in his arms again. A place she hadn't been in years and one that even in such a short time had felt like home.

So right now it almost felt like coming home again after a long time away from being home.

"I missed you Avie," Zac muttered into her ear before finally letting go of her and as they parted Avery thought maybe he too felt like hugging her felt like coming home again too after a long time away.

Mainly because his face almost said that, but maybe she was just reading too much into his expression and the way his brown eyes looked a bit lighter.

Like a load had been lifted off his shoulders or something.

"I missed you too Zac," Avery said to him knowing she meant her words. She had missed him so damn much and right now she wasn't even sure why they had both been so stubborn in reconnecting before even with hurt feelings in the way.

Biting her lip though Avery looked around not seeing any sign of Marilyn. "Where is your fiancee at?" she questioned knowing Marilyn was supposed to have been here as well with Zac.

Zac's whole demeanor seemed to change at the mention of Marilyn. A wall coming up so Avery couldn't read him which she hated because before their time apart she had always been able to read him even when he hadn't wanted her to and now she couldn't.

"Some things happened and she couldn't come," Zac spoke though Avery knew there was more to his words. But she bit her lip and didn't question him.

Was afraid of overstepping boundaries. She'd let Zac tell her whenever he wanted to tell her.

"Oh," Avery nodded her head as she forced a smile. Hoping that Zac told her eventually and not just because she was nosy but because she missed being her brother's confidant. Missed him telling her everything and hated that their sexual relationship had seemingly ruined them.

Or well that the ending of it had ruined them, that they let that happen.

***

"So are you going to tell me what happened with Marilyn?" Avery asked Zac as she sat across from him at the kitchen in his apartment.

She had been here for three full days now and in those three days she had come to realize whatever had happened that meant Marilyn couldn't come to the airport must have been serious because not once had she been around since Avery had been in New York.

Hadn't even called and Avery knew whatever it was must have been serious.

Zac looked away from Avery, his eyes now being trained on the slice of pizza that was on his plate like it was the best thing in the world to him right now. A diversion tactic Avery knew.

"We ended our engagement," Zac spoke his words coming out soft. "I decided to confess to her my past sins and she decided she couldn't be with me anymore."

"Past sins?" Avery questioned as her eyebrow rose but she wasn't sure why she had to ask. She knew what Zac had meant.

Zac had told Marilyn about their previous sexual relationship. Something Avery hadn't told anyone. Not Brady and not Harrison and she wasn't sure if that meant she didn't love them like she should or that she was just sane enough to know better whereas Zac was crazy.

Had been crazy ever since he started believing in God.

Finally looking back up at her Zac just glared like he was angry that Avery even had to ask him what he meant. Because they both knew what he meant. "I told her about us Avie," he said confirming what Avery knew. "Felt like she needed to know what kind of fucked up man she was marrying."

"But you chose to do it after you knew I was coming here?" Avery asked him with a laugh. "I wouldn't have told her at all because it was in the past. You ended things and what's in the past stays in the past."

"She deserved to know," Zac defended himself. "Whether it was in the past or not it's something that haunts me and she needed to know."

Avery kept her eyebrow raised at Zac saying what had happened between them haunted him. Something she found stupid since he was the one who ended things.

He should have been able to forget it and move on. After all couldn't he just pray to his God and he'd make everything better. Absolve Zac from feeling guilty that he had sinned and been a fuck up by fucking his own sister.

"There's not a prayer you can say to your God that will make you forget?" Avery questioned him not even able to hide her bitterness now.

Hating that they seemed to be heading for an argument. She hadn't even been in New York for a week and she was going to argue with Zac already.

At least now though, she knew this was her fault. She was the one turning bitter.

Zac kept his glare as he stood from the table without even finishing his pizza. "It's not about prayer," he told her his own tone none too nice now. "Even if it was, prayer doesn't erase memories, even if I wish it did," he added on before walking towards his front door.

Avery frowning as she slowly moved from the table, following after him. "Where are you going Zac?" she asked him her voice less bitter now.

Hating again that somehow she had been the reason he was angry and hadn't finished his pizza. Probably should have never even asked about Marilyn.

"Out," Zac told her his tone still harsh as he didn't even turn to look back at her.

Frowning more Avery stopped walking, watching as Zac slipped outside and she shook her head. Almost wondering if she should just pack her bags and get a ticket back to Oklahoma.

Hell, Zac would probably want her gone after tonight. Probably regretted even trying to make amends with her even if before tonight things had been going well, though in Avery's opinion, there seemed to be an elephant in the room.

One they had sorta finally acknowledged tonight but she knew they still truly hadn't said everything. Was afraid to say everything seeing how tonight had went.

***

Biting her lip as she laid in her bed later that night, Avery turned over so she was staring at the ceiling. Unable to sleep after the argument with Zac. An argument that hadn't been resolved, not even when Zac came back to his apartment a few hours later.

Clearly a bit intoxicated and giving her the silent treatment. Not yelling at her, not telling her to leave. Just nothing and she didn't want to spend he remaining days in New York being given the silent treatment.

It would be a sucky vacation away from Oklahoma if this was how it was going to remain.

With a loud sigh Avery sat up before getting out of bed and slowly leaving the guest room. Making her way down to Zac's room and hoping her arrival there didn't make him angrier at her. That was the last thing she wanted.

What she wanted right now was to make amends or try too even if it was almost three in the morning. Hoping if they made amends now maybe she could get a few hours of sleep.

"Zac?" Avery asked softly as she reached his bedroom, knocking on the door which was cracked and which she opened a bit more.

Peeking in and seeing it was dark but she couldn't tell if he was asleep. She kind of hoped he wasn't because if he was she knew she'd more than likely make things worse. Zac hated being woken up, always had hated it. She was sure that hadn't changed about him since he moved away from home.

Even if everything else had changed about him.

"Yes?" Zac asked as he sat up slightly in bed, Avery feeling glad that he had responded so quickly and he didn't seem upset.

Obviously he hadn't been asleep either, maybe being just as plagued with negative feelings as Avery and unable to sleep.

Walking farther into his room, Avery somehow managed to find her way to his bed without falling down and when she made it Zac scooted over some so she could climb in beside him and she did. Tempted to reach over for the lamp on his bedside table and turn the light on but not doing so.

Was afraid that she'd find Zac glaring at her even if he hadn't sounded angry at her.

"I'm sorry," Avery apologized the minute she had sat down next to Zac on his bed. "For starting an argument and making you upset. I shouldn't have."

Zac laughed some his laugh not sounding bitter which surprised Avery. "It's fine. You were obviously hurting over something, that's the only reason you ever lash out at anyone."

"I was," Avery agreed with him knowing she needed to be honest and tell him what it was that had made her hurt. "I was hurt that even though you ended things apparently they bother you enough to haunt you. They shouldn't because you were the one who ended us. You shouldn't always be haunted by it like I am."

"I'm only haunted by it because of that damn letter you sent me after," Zac spoke as he ran a hand through his hair. "How you said you wanted to call the cops and that I took advantage of you. You were right Avie, I did and I should be in jail and I had to tell Marilyn that. I almost wanted to turn myself in so many times over the years after knowing how much I hurt you because that wasn't what I wanted."

Frowning Avery turned to look at Zac in the dark, "I didn't mean what I said," she confessed knowing she had to be truthful. "I only said what I did out of anger. I was angry you ended things and I didn't mean any of what I said. You never used me and I never would have went to the cops."

Zac fell silent after Avery's confession. Avery half afraid that when he talked to her he'd be angry again. He'd have every reason to be.

She had apparently made his life hell from the words she had said in anger. Been a little devil on his shoulder for years, haunting him and making him feel horrible about himself. Like he had fucked up and was beyond help probably.

"So you never felt used?" Zac asked her his voice so soft but as he spoke he finally turned to look at her as well. Avery able to see the hurt on his face even from what little light was coming through his window from the moon.

Avery sighed, "I mean I did feel used but not in the way I meant it in my letter," she told him hoping he knew what she meant. "You didn't commit any crimes Zachary. Except for breaking my heart and I'm so sorry I even made you feel like you had committed any."

Zac's lips seemed to move into a smile, not a full smile or even a happy one. More like a sad one. Like he was resigned to all the years he had been tortured by his mind for no reason. "I never meant to hurt you Avie," he told her and Avery felt her heart stop beating when Zac's hand reached out and rested against her bare thigh.

Avery not having felt uncomfortable for wearing pajama shorts except for now because the touch, his touch, in a place like her thigh was still enough to make her skin feel like it was on fire.

"I know," Avery told him because now, years later, she did understand that. Zac had only been doing what he felt was best for him. "I know you were just doing what God wanted you to."

Zac let out another laugh as he shook his head, his hand still not moving from her thigh. "It wasn't God. I'm not even sure I believe in a God anymore. I just...I wanted to become a Christian to get close to Marilyn," he confessed and Avery internally cringed.

Not having realized that Marilyn had been in his life that long.

"I saw her and was taken with her from the start. But she was a preacher's daughter and so strict in her beliefs that she wouldn't give me the time of day unless I was born again and committed to that lifestyle," Zac continued in Avery's silence. "So I changed everything just for her and it was so hard. So fucking hard because despite being taken with her and knowing what the church and the bible and the laws said about what we had done it never felt wrong. Not even when I sent the letter to end it. Didn't feel wrong until I got your letter and then I convinced myself what I was doing was right because if I had done what I did to you then I needed God before I fucked up someone else's life. Before I used them and took advantage of them."

"And what, your break up with Marilyn made you realize God isn't real anymore?" Avery questioned him wondering if even after he started doubting God if he thought he still needed him or some other higher power to help keep him from messing up anyone else's life.

Zac shook his head, "Before that really but even more so when Marilyn took my confession horribly. I mean I thought Christians were supposed to want to help the sinner not call them every horrible name in the book," he sighed and his sad smile faltered. "Made me kind of feel worse about myself actually."

"You did a good job at hiding this my first few days here," Avery told him knowing he had been doing good at hiding how his emotions probably weren't the best.

But now it made sense why he had gotten so angry earlier over dinner.

"You were here and it was always easy for me to be happier when you were here," Zac said and his smile came back again. Looking a little less sad now too. "But then you said what you did and we argued and I started blaming myself for things that I thought were..."

"I'm sorry," Avery again apologized interrupting Zac before he could finish his words. "I'm so sorry and I just..I want to prove that I am," she told him as she moved a bit closer to him.

Causing his hand to move up on her thigh an action that seemed to make the feeling in the room change just a bit.

"And how do you plan on proving that?" Zac asked her his tone being one she hadn't heard from him in years. It had a bit of a seductive side to it and Avery knew then she wasn't the only one in the room who had felt the change to it.

Zac had felt it too.

Avery chewed on her lip for a minute as she thought it over in her mind. A way she could prove she was sorry. "Let me suck your cock," she suggested as she felt her heart beating a bit faster hoping she was reading the signs right. "Let me give you a blow job and make you feel good," she offered.

She knew full well a blow job wouldn't fix everything. It wouldn't fix his life or her own right now but it would make him feel better and she always felt slightly okay when he was feeling better.

So, maybe at least giving him a blow job would be a step to things being fixed one day for both of them. A small tiny baby step but still a step nonetheless.

"O..okay," Zac spoke his voice so low that Avery almost hadn't heard him but once she had a smile played on her lips.

Having not realized until then just how much she actually did want to give him a blow job, she had missed this aspect of what they used to have as well too even if back then it had been all too brief.

Leaning in Avery left a brief kiss on his lips before pulling away and locking eyes with him in the dark. "Are you sure this is what you want?" she asked him wanting to be positive that he wanted this.

That this time she wasn't the one who could be seen as taking advantage of him.

When Zac nodded his head Avery leaned in and kissed him again. A smile appearing on her lips again when he kissed her back.

His hands reaching out to pull her closer, giving Avery even more reassurance that this was what he wanted. That he wanted her to give him a blow job as much as she wanted to give him one.


End file.
